Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Back in the Game

by Simone Grant

So much has happened in the last few days. But then, nothing has actually happened.

The European had dutifully been texting me good morning just about every day since our third date. Plus some additional texts later in the day. I heard from him Saturday night that he'd actually been home sick for most of the day. So Sunday morning I texted him good morning and asked him how he was feeling. I thought it was appropriate as he'd been doing the same for me when I was unwell.

Then, later I did something which in hindsight I guess was naive. There was a silly personal project I needed to do and I thought he might enjoy helping me with it. So I asked him if he was free that night. I specifically said, "I don't suppose you're free". Because I figured he wouldn't be. It was last minute. His reply was a little bizarre. He got defensive and said that he was very busy and mentioned something that I know he's got coming up next week and said he'd be busy until then (this was no more than an hour after he sent me a silly text in which he called me beautiful and mentioned the great sex from a couple of nights earlier which, btw, was good but not great).

Well OK. I didn't reply. And I haven't head from him since (this is the longest I've gone without hearing from him in over a week). And honestly, I'm not sure how much I care. I like the guy, but not enough to be all anguished if he were to disappear tomorrow.

In other news, I unhid my online dating profiles on OKCupid and nerve.com and even shelled out the dough for one month's silver membership on nerve so that I could send as many messages as I want without having to worry about it (on nerve, you can reply for free but can either pay per message to initiate or pay for premium membership). Almost immediately I was engaged in a fun little email volley with a totally inappropriate man.

I know that it's only a matter of time before The European sees that my OKCupid account has been reactivated. He brought up the fact that it was hidden a couple of weeks ago, and I explained that I did that when I was out of town and overwhelmed with everything that's been raining down on me lately. I also learned (I saw it when I was checking to see if there was anyone new in the pool) that he has a gold membership on nerve. So he's bound to see me there, too.

Give my track record with Mr. Potential and how weird he got with me after I hid my profile, I'm hoping the fact that I've now gone back online is a good thing. That the European will see this as me not putting any relationship pressure on him. If it matters to him at all. Which I'm not sure it will. Maybe he was all nice-nice, pretending to be a great guy but the truth is that he's just interested in getting what he can't have and now that the chase is over he's bored.

And I'm not all that sure I care one way or the other. I have no patience for games. None. And he was kind of a freak on Sunday.

All I do know is that I'm back in the dating game. And that I haven't completely lost interest in the European and so if he wants to try to have me in his life he's going to have to continue to make an effort.

Friday, May 22, 2009

About Last Night

by: Simone Grant

OK, I couldn't resist.

And yeah, I know that a significant number of my readers are too young to get that reference. Oh well.

Here's what happened, in brief:

I met the European outside the movie theater. Now a couple of quick notes. First, I was having a major wardrobe malfuction. I had decided to wear a specific black summer dress which has a scoop neck, that isn't especially low. But it has to be worn with a specific bra. I know I'm about to lose all my male readers here. Stay with me. I was running late, and had all of 2 minutes to get dressed (I realized at the last minute that my toenail polish had gotten really chipped in the last 24 hours and so needed to redo that, which took 15 minutes...). Anyway, I couldn't find the bra that went with this dress. So I had to go with 2nd best, the only other bra I have that is low enough. And that one is a push up. Well, the effect of the push up bra and the scoop neck was that all night long it looked like I was about to come out of my dress. It was not subtle. Not the way I usually dress.

The second thing was that he picked a really great movie for us to see. I was a little peeved to find that he is a movie talker. Not excessively so, but a little. Hey, no one's perfect.

After the movie we went for drinks and a light supper. Again, he chose someplace wonderful. And we had a great conversation. We found out many more things we have in common. Two of them being great passions of mine that I've written about here and here.

So everything was great, right? Well, yeah. Kinda.

We were in a neighborhood a little far from where we each lived. After dinner he asked if he could grab me a cab. I thought that maybe we'd kiss a little while waiting and then maybe(?) he'd hop in with me. Instead, he just gave me a little peck, barely even a kiss, and I went home alone. He texted me within minutes to say goodnight and we've exchanged many texts since and we now have plans to go out tomorrow night in my neighborhood (his suggestion).

So that's that.

Advice and Tips for Twitter Dating a Gemini

by K. R. Smith

May 21-June 21: Gemini

Dating Advice and Tips for Twitter Dating a Gemini:

Gemini’s love to communicate, and also make great listeners. They also tend to be great multi-taskers. Twitter is a great tool for them to combine these three qualities. They can satisfy their need for learning, laughing and maintaining multiple conversations. Do keep in mind that they enjoy intellectual and witty conversations. They are best matched to someone with a steady, strong personality who will enjoy their butterfly socializing, yet will still be there for them when having a bad day.

It might be a little difficult to start this date up. Since they tend to fall in love with people who stimulate their curiousity & intelligence it’s a perfect time to show off your skills by using some witty twirting & ice-breakers. Be patient, once the Gemini has warmed up you might just get what you were looking for. They will act cautiously while they get to know someone and will open their heart little by little.

Gemini’s like to speak, to communicate, to meet different people, (can you say Twitter, anyone?) to travel and to be in motion. Gemini’s ruling planet is Mercury, the planet of communication. Gemini people are very curious and their mind always requests more information. Gemini’s are likely to have large Twitter followings and to communicate with many of them as often as possible, and are likely to host many tweet-ups.

Gemini Dating Tip:
The first impression is very important when dating a Gemini. Show off your best side. People born under the sign of Gemini are very communicative and like to talk. Just lean back, relax, and listen. Break the ice by creative twirting, being sure to use open-ended questions that allow them to shine with creative and witty responses. Most Gemini people cannot stand aggressiveness; they will escape from rude people and tense situations. Keep it light-hearted and avoid stalking them!

Finding a Gemini on Twitter:
Want to Twitter Date a Gemini? Go to www.140love.com and complete a profile. When it asks “My ideal 140Love is…” be sure to note Gemini. This will be a keyword used to help find you a match on Twitter. Make sure you note your own sign as well, who knows how many are looking for you!

Specific Advice By Sign:
If you would like advice about your sexual compatibility with a Gemini (by sign) add your request to the comments or email 140LoveBird@gmail.com

Thursday, May 21, 2009


by: Simone Grant

This is going to be posted on Thursday morning, using the little timer system they have. I'm writing it on Wednesday. I have a date tonight with The European. We're seeing a movie and then going out for drinks after that. And well, I've scheduled time this afternoon to clean my apartment. Ahem.

So, I don't think I'll have time to write after my date or early tomorrow morning. I hope. Date details will have to wait.

There's something else, something totally out of left field I wanted to write about anyway.

There was this guy I'd been flirting with on Twitter. This was before I started working for 140love, before 140love even launched.

He sent me a DM one day and I wasn't completely repulsed and so we started flirting. It eventually moved to email. He read my blog (oh yeah, it's entirely possible that he's reading this now) and so knew my blog persona and I eventually felt comfortable enough telling him some things about myself that most of my blog readers don't know.

We were supposed to get together last week. We didn't have definite plans or anything. But I thought it was understood that we were going to finally meet. And then he disappeared. Completely.

Now, people disappear from Twitter all the time. They sign up, they play around for a few weeks or months, they get bored and then they quit. He disappeared from Twitter last week, the same day that he didn't reply to my last email (which was part of an ongoing discussion).

So I figure he just got bored with Twitter, it wasn't getting him what he wanted (laid, I guess) and so he quit. Or maybe he wanted to blow me off and figured he might as well quit Twitter at the same time. Who knows or really cares?

The lesson here? I don't think there is one. Just that I was smart to withhold a lot of info about myself, even though he made a big deal about the fact that I was doing so. And that I'm glad I know enough to not really care about this stuff. I don't feel rejected. You can't be rejected by someone who doesn't even know you.

It's just this weird thing that happened. And now it's over and I have a little story to tell about it. Nothing more.

Friday, May 15, 2009

30 Seconds to Success (How to Compliment A Woman)

by: SINgleGIRL

You know I'm not a big fan of giving (or taking) advice. But I've been asked to write a post about how to compliment a woman and you know what, I actually think this is a topic I could provide a little assistance with.

I'm going to try something different and just address the rest of this post to the guys in my audience. Sorry girls, but you don't really need help with this. At least not any of the women I know.

Dear Guys,

You can pretty much bet that if a woman likes you she's made some sort of effort to look nice for your benefit. It doesn't matter if it's a first date or 3rd date or someone you've been living with for years. If you're going out tonight, she's made an effort to look good because she wants you to find her attractive. This is practically a sure thing. So, you have a choice to make: You can be the kind of guy who notices this effort (thereby scoring major bonus points) or you can be oblivious. It's your choice. A smart guy is going to choose the former.

Now, I know that not all guys are what I'd consider observant and so I'm going to give you step by step instructions so that you don't screw this up.

First, look at her hair. Does it look different than the last time you saw her? Is it shorter, straighter, up (as opposed to worn down/loose), curlier, lighter? If you think it looks different and nicer then say, "I like what you did to your hair, it looks nice." If it looks nice and maybe different, but you're not sure because you can't remember what it looked like before you can say, "Did you do something different to your hair? It looks nice." Or, you can just say, "Your hair looks really pretty like that." Some women spend hours on their hair. Noticing it shows her that you value her effort.

Maybe her hair looks the same and it's not all that fabulous. OK. What about her clothes? Take a second. Is she wearing a dress or skirt or high heel shoes that look like they probably hurt to walk in? Has she obviously rushed home from work to change for your date? Maybe she's wearing some interesting jewelry or pleasant perfume. Think for a second. Then say something nice. Something, anything, even if it's as banal as, "You look beautiful tonight."

It should take you no more than 30 seconds to notice (really notice) your date's appearance and the effort she's made to look good for you and then to comment on it. Most women will notice if you did or didn't compliment her. If you didn't, she'll wonder why. It might feed her insecurities or make her question how much you like her. Or it could just make her wonder whether you're just clueless. Don't be clueless.

Twitter Flirting (or “Twirting”) Tips

by K. R. Smith

You’ve added your profile to 140Love.com and received some great matches. Let the “twirting” begin! Flirting online can be fun, but you need to be careful too. You don’t have the added benefit of body language to tell someone you’re joking. What can you say to entice someone to openly chat and accept that first date?

Here are some tips for online flirting success:

  • Keep it simple. Use light-hearted emails or IMs with an upbeat tone. Don’t try too hard. Most people will decide in the first few sentences if they like you or not.
  • Hand out compliments. One of the best ways to flirt online is to extend a sincere compliment. One guy told me, “I always try to say something subtle but sincere.” You might say to someone who plays the piano, “I think it is awesome that you play piano.” He added, “Be sincere and don’t throw out phony baloney.”
  • Have Fun. Humor is sexy – everyone likes a partner who can make them smile!
  • Be Confident. Upbeat, optimistic people are natural magnets. People are attracted to those who feel good about themselves and life in general.
  • Avoid Sexual Overtones. At least at first. Flirting does not have to be sexual, and sexual tends to be personal. Wait until you’re relationship is solid to take it to that level.

10 IM or email flirting questions

Based on interviews with hundreds of active daters for Liz M. Hunter’s book, “SMART Man Hunting,” here are 10 proven questions that can help you ignite sparks online:
  1. Where did you get that fantastic smile?
  2. What is your favorite ice cream flavor and why?
  3. What is the most romantic place that you’ve been on a date?
  4. What would you do if we got stuck in a snow storm in the mountains?
  5. If you were going to take me out for a romantic evening, what would we do?
  6. What is your favorite thing to do with a partner for fun?
  7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
  8. How long have you played guitar? (Ask about something in their profile.)
  9. Wow, is that your cute golden retriever? (Compliment something in their photograph.)
  10. When are we going to meet to find out whether we would ever want to kiss each other? (Depending on the person, you can sound cute using this one)

Just remember to take it slow, have fun and enjoy your new relationships. Done correctly your Twitter flirting could lead to life long love!

Monday, May 11, 2009

How to find the love of your life on twitter

- First, i hate to do gratuitous promotion but I'm a believer in the 140love.com / Twitter dating model. Its simple: You fill out a profile, it searches for everyone on Twitter who also filled out a profile who might match you. You then autofollow each other. This is a good starting point to find single people on Twitter who might match you.

- For the people that match you, look at their tweet streams on your 140love Feed we set up for you on the site. Using their tweets you can go way beyond the typical dating site profile to see who you might really want to connect with.

- DM them for a date. Heck, you both match each other, you're both following each other, you like each other's tweet streams. Now connect!

- Having trouble planning the date? No problem. DM me at @jaltucher or DM Simone at @140lover and we will personally help you plan that date and find something funky, interesting, staid, or whatever you want to plan that special evening.

- Now's the Twitter Courtship phase. Don't forget: your future wife/husband is studying your tweet stream. Tweet links about your favorite interests. Tweet what you do during the day but don't be boring. Find the things you do that are different from anyone else and tweet about it. Or try to be boring for the fun of it. Whatever.

- read the tweet streams of bloggers who focus on dating who also have twitter IDs and tweet a lot. Check out @140love and @140lovebird for their blogs and their lists of bloggers they like.

- Every day, check back at 140love.com for your new matches. We're young. But as we get new signups, you'll get new matches every day. We set up your 140love feed so you see the tweets of all the people who match you.

- Don't like who we match you with? No problem. "Browse profiles" on our site lets you look through all of our signups.

- Send me or @140love your twitter dating experience. We need to learn! And we'll post the good ones so everyone can learn. Share the knowledge!

- Worst case: you get new followers, new friends, and there's always tomorrow!